Carbone (NYC)

I walked into this reservation fully prepared to rain criticism / snark-tipped arrows down upon Carbone and its food.

Since opening the doors of its original location back in 2013, Carbone has been a shining epitome of most things that make the NYC restaurant scene so uniquely frustrating. Elitist. Nearly impossible to reserve except with connections. Pageantry and “presentation” to justify eye-popping entrée prices (not every dish needs to be prepared tableside). Frequent bots and third-party websites buying and scalping tables to those willing to pay generous table minimums.

Want a table that isn’t a charming 11pm Tuesday spot with an enchanting proximity to the bathroom, or tucked away in the coat check closet? (hyperbole but let me have this one). You’d better be prepared to pay, hustle, or outmaneuver the hundreds of Brads and Beckys in the city trying to get the same spot. Like watching a bunch of Loro Piana-wearing crabs fight to the death in a proverbial barrel of trust fund money.

To be clear, this is hardly breaking news. Carbone has been a scene (circus) for years. “Wow, thanks Dan for yet another Carbone review that nobody asked for, very cool and original.” I promise I’ll start actually reviewing restaurants that haven’t been done to death.

So anyways, I admit that I was a bit revved up / ready to be critical heading into our reservation. After months of setting Resy notifications I had finally broken through the noise, defeated the Brads and Beckys and grabbed a spot on a Friday night. And it was time to see what the hype was all about.

Ratings / scores here, as with future postings, will be out of 25 possible points to allow for a more standardized framework and comparability across restaurants. 15 possible for food (both taste and presentation), 5 possible for service, and 5 for ambiance / atmosphere.

Food (10.5/15.0):

The highlight was a close tie between their famous “Spicy” Vodka Rigatoni and their Veal Parmesan (likely an unsurprising opinion for those who know of Carbone or have visited). “Spicy” is in quotes because I don’t think any self-respecting Italian would describe this dish as hot, lest their citizenship be revoked at the airport upon their return home. But I suppose it’s spicy for Carbone’s clientele. Enough red pepper to put a UK food influencer in the ER at least.

Jabs aside, although mild, it was extremely flavorful. Tangy, rich, cheesy. Pressing down on each piece with your fork yielded surprise pops of more sauce and more cheese, like an added bonus in every bite. I could have consumed a trough of this but sadly one smallish plate had to do for now.

The Veal Parmesan was the size of a mixing bowl and could probably feed a small village for a week. Nicely breaded, good flavor with dollops of their punchy red sauce and fried basil on top (which was a fun touch). Took me three days of leftovers to finally polish it off, as if it were magically regenerating each night in the back of my refrigerator.

Also deserving strong positive mentions: their burrata with caviar (below), and lemon cheesecake (not pictured, since I started wolfing it down before any sort of photo could be taken).

The burrata dish was super decadent with the caviar and clearly benefitted from the pops of texture and salinity it provided. Definitely felt like the sort of dish you’d expect to splurge on at a place like this and was a nice, pace-setting way to kick off the meal.

Sadly, the rest of the dishes missed the mark quite widely, which is why I’m only giving them an 10.5/15 overall for food and presentation. The meatballs were grainy/chewy (although with a nice sauce), their supposedly famous “ZZ’s Caesar Salad” was underwhelming / one-dimensional (I think they forgot the anchovies, which might explain the lack of flavor and punch), and the “salami rose” with the bread basket felt unnecessary and greasy. The ratio was far too much salami to bread (or to anything else on the table). Like the answer to a question nobody asked.

Service (5.0/5.0):

Hospitality is clearly their business and they do not mess around. Different from the kind of well-oiled clockwork, white glove, silent-but-present service you get at Michelin-starred spots. But a good kind of different.

The manager and FOH staff were actively working the floor the entire time, schmoozing and saying all the right things they knew their well-heeled clientele wanted to hear. Complimenting orders, providing recommendations, shamelessly flirting and topping off drinks for free (I got two full refills of Chianti to “account for evaporation in the glass,” our server said with a wink).

And at the end, a glass of limoncello to celebrate / cap off the meal. You KNOW that the price of all those “free” extras is built into the core menu prices, but that doesn’t matter or even register as it’s happening. Like drinks or perks at an inclusive resort once you’ve paid the tab up front. It’s just fun and makes you want to come back again for seconds.

Ambiance (4.0/5.0):

Nice and cozy inside. A bit smaller than I would have thought coming in, but it rarely felt cramped. Drapes fully obscured the windows, ostensibly to block the prying eyes of tourists and shutter bugs (although I didn’t see anyone famous this time).

I have to dock a point though for the music. They played the same 10-15 stereotypical Frank Sinatra-esque songs on a loop for the full two plus hours. An actual loop. I left thinking “If I hear that Papa loves Mambo song one more time tonight, I’m going to start breaking dishes.” Upon further reflection, I think they honestly just played the Goodfellas soundtrack.

Don’t get me wrong. Many of those songs are classics. But it felt cheesy and overdone and detracted from the atmosphere in this occasion

Overall Rating (19.5/25.0):

Maybe not worth waiting for months, but a very fun evening with good food and great service / hospitality. Everything is expensive, and some of the table-side preparations are gimmicky, but you will be hard pressed not to leave at the end with a smile on your face and a full stomach. (And a lighter wallet). Definitely pull the trigger if you see a spot open up on Resy